We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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