Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
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She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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