everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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