Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
