soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
