i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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