Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
