Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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