i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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