So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
