I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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