dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
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you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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