If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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