i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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