She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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