not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
