Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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