a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
