I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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