those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
