dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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