i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
