honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Semen is not good for contacts.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
