Pappa wants mamma naked
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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