Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
