is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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