You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
