As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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