i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
