I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
