I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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