I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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