I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
