i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
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