you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
