Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
