went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you traded sex for a burrito?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think your dad took our porno
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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