a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
