So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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