No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize