im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
