I hope mine doesn't look like that
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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