road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
