Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
