I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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