If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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