lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
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it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
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I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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