All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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