New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
