You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
