I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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