Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Let's get the cat blown out
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
