my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
how drunk are you?
Several
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
