you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
