i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
