Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
