I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
