CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
