Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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