u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
