She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Someone shattered a urinal.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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