3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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