When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
