Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
