shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
