Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's blow job season.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
